Pizza from Scratch, 95

6 September, 2007

Alternatives to dog-fighting

© Bill Lemmond (Actually, you're welcome to download and share these web-resolution images, and you probably won't be happy with printing them.)

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When the radio reported that Michael Vick had been abusing dogs, I decided that a cartoon featuring animals had to make a statement. One of the first thoughts I had was that there have to be lots of better ways to have fun, even have fun with dogs. There had to be even better ways to have fun with dogs in competition. That became my theme.

I used an older idea, one I got from others over the years, from comic books to TV to novels. What if there are alternate universes with alternate Earths? I'm guessing we're on Earth 13. In this strip, I decided to present looks at the next four Earths, each one nicer and less dysfunctional.

Earth 14 has dogs as professional Mexican wrestlers. It's just as choreographed as US professional wrestling. Are you a "smart mark"?

Earth 15: Maybe dog sumo wrestling would involve hugely fat dogs, but I don't think it's essential. No body slams on Earth 15, just shoving.

Earth 16: Dance Dance Revolution (DDR) mat controlers would allow intelligent dogs to play video games. Humans already compete in video game tournaments. And why not "Grand Theft Auto: Dog Town"? No contact is needed on Earth 16.

Earth 17 used an obstacle course, but not like any we've had. For dogs, the obstacles are temptations: children, kittens, old ladies with cute little dogs and treats, and smelly stuff in which they can roll.

Back to our Earth 13, we still have some athletes spoiled by privilege, fame and riches. What could they do? Some gamblers will bet on anything, including how many puppies in a litter, and whether or not your in-season team-mate will lose his lunch when he sees what giving birth is really like.